Under the Armor: A Story about Joe Ussia: When Stress Finally Broke Me
By Joe Ussia
I did not grow up in a calm, low-stress environment.
I grew up in a high-performance household. Entrepreneurs. Over-achievers. People who take pride in excellence and expect a lot from themselves (sometimes reads as “stubborn” to some but is a result of being goal-oriented and determined). My father, my brothers, and I have all been self-employed our entire lives, and there has always been an unspoken standard behind everything we do: perform, produce, deliver and maintain excellence.
That kind of drive can create a kind of stress that is easy to miss because it is so familiar. It becomes your normal. It becomes the way you measure yourself. You do not even realize you are carrying it.
I did not recognize it as anxiety. I would have never described myself as someone who struggles with anxiety.
Then I ran my MSP while trying to raise a new and growing family.
And for the first time in my life, stress stopped being a motivational force and started showing up as something physical, overwhelming, and terrifying.
When Your Body Starts Sending Alarms
The first time it happened, I genuinely thought I was having a heart attack.
My heart raced. I felt dizzy, faint, and unsteady. My chest tightened. My breathing got shallow. I shook. Tingling spread through my body. I felt detached and panicked without understanding why.
And the most frightening part was this: I had no idea what was happening to me. I felt like I was about to die.
I checked myself into emergency at least seven times, convinced I was experiencing something catastrophic. Each time, doctors ruled out a heart attack and stroke. Each time, I went home still confused, still scared, and waiting for the next episode. Sadly, I did not tell my family, friends or work peers about what was happening to me. I was embarrassed. I felt confused. And I was scared. But each time I was cleared from the hospital, the results were always the same: “We can’t find anything wrong with you.” I resented those words because I just knew they were missing something.
When people tell you “you’re fine” but your body is screaming that you are not, it can mess with your head. I started wondering if I was going crazy.
I later learned that those feelings are common during severe anxiety or panic attacks, but at the time it felt isolating and terrifying. But I had serious responsibilities and kept pushing forward. What other choice did I have, right?
San Francisco: The Trip That Ended on a Stretcher
I was on a business trip in San Francisco September 2012 with a group that included notable manufacturers, distributors, and MSP/VAR owners. It was an amazing experience. The networking, professional development, and education were all excellent.
It was the kind of trip that reminds you why you work so hard. In fact, the trip was a bit of a reward with a vendor for exceeding sales targets. A reward that became one of the most pivotal points in my life.
The incident happened at the airport on the way home.
I started feeling extremely ill. Heart racing. Dizziness. Faintness. A sick feeling I could not shake. I could not eat. I tried to self-manage it like many of us do when we are responsible for everything and do not want to inconvenience anyone. I even took three aspirin in case it was a heart attack. I drank several electrolyte sports drinks to push my hydration. I put my head down and closed my eyes for a while hoping that this was a false alarm.
Instead of improving, the episode escalated over the next two hours. I felt like I was about to die… like a full-blown heart attack was imminent.
I was sitting by the gate suffering in silence. My friends and peers all chatting happily around me while I sat there trying to get control of my situation. By the time boarding was called, it had gotten so bad that I couldn’t get up from the chair to go to the gate. That is when 911 was called. Paramedics arrived and I was taken away on a stretcher.
There is a detail I still remember vividly, and it still hits me when I think about it as it still embarrasses me to the core.
About 25 of my industry peers saw me being wheeled away by paramedics. Helpless. Scared.
It was horrifying. It was embarrassing. It felt humiliating. In that moment, I was not the business owner or the leader or the professional in control. I was the guy having a medical emergency in public in front of some of the biggest names in the industry (not to mention, my competitors), and I had no explanation for it.
At the hospital, they ran nonstop tests for hours. A heart attack and stroke were ruled out conclusively. They could not tell me what happened. I could not tell me what happened. I obviously missed my flight, so I went to a hotel after being checked out, slept, and woke up the next morning feeling fine. Within 24 hours I was cleared to fly home. (And to the two individuals that stayed behind to make sure I was ok, I will be forever grateful. Freda and Ed, thank you).
And just like that, it was “over.”
Except it was not.
For quite some time, my peers joked with me that I must have fallen off the bandwagon from drinking… which was not the case as I didn’t drink that hard on the trip to begin with. I would laugh it off at the time because deep inside, I had no idea what was happening to me or why. And that made me feel even worse. The embarrassment continued for quite some time.
Clear Tests, Crushing Fear
When returning from San Francisco, I went to my family doctor as soon as I could get an appointment. He ordered every test available. Everything came back crystal clear. Bloodwork normal. No obvious explanation.
At one point, my doctor suspected I may have experienced a TIA, a “mini-stroke.” He was cautious with that diagnosis but did say there is a small chance it went undetected. That possibility was devastating. It is hard to describe how unsettling it is to feel your body misfire like that and then to be told that a neurological event might be involved, especially when you are still young and building your life.
But as more testing came back normal, I was left in a different kind of fear.
If nothing was wrong, why did it feel like I was dying?
The Symptoms Nobody Prepared Me For
My symptoms included palpitations, shaking, shortness of breath, chest pain, dizzy spells, tingling sensations, sore jaw, and more. It was unpredictable and uncontrollable. And with every episode, my confidence in my own body shrank.
At my lowest point, I truly started to wonder if I was losing my mind. Was I really dying?
I did not have language for what was happening. I did not have a model for it. There was no “white paper” to explain what caused the episodes. I just had fear.
The Conversation That Opened a Door
I finally had the courage to speak with someone about what was happening in late 2013, almost a year after the airport incident (and after two more visits to the ER!) I opened up to my very close friend Miguel Ribeiro, and he shed some light.
Miguel suggested something simple that I had not considered.
“What if this is anxiety?”
He shared his own experience, and it was the first time I felt like someone was describing what I was living through. That conversation helped me connect dots I could not connect on my own.
(If you want to read Miguel’s story, it is powerful and worth your time: Read Miguel Ribeiro’s Under the Armor story)
That conversation changed my life.
-Miguel, Catherine, Lucia, Marcel, Me and Susana, Aug 4, 2006, Universal Studios, FL
The Diagnosis: Stress Leaves a Fingerprint
I went back to my family doctor with the idea that this could be anxiety. He referred me to a specialist for deeper discovery. The specialist conducted diagnostic testing using two different techniques, and that was when I learned what had been happening.
I was having full-blown anxiety attacks. They were induced by extreme stress, and the stress was work-related. In that moment of truth, I felt like a bomb dropped on my head. And in my case, they were quite severe.
That moment was both relieving and alarming.
Relieving, because it gave me clarity and a direction.
Alarming, because it forced me to admit something I did not want to admit. My stress level was not just “busy.” It was not just “pressure.” It was severe enough that my nervous system was firing emergency signals.
My Experience With Meds (and What I Wish I Knew!)
My doctors recommended medication, so I started taking a SSRI because they said I needed to, I did not know any better at the time. I was just trying to survive. I was trying to feel normal. I was scared, and I wanted the symptoms to stop.
I am not writing this to endorse SSRIs. In fact, hindsight being 20-20, I probably wouldn’t have taken the SSRI medications if I had done my research. I am writing this because I want other people to do what I did not do.
If you are considering medications to manage your anxiety or panic attacks, I strongly encourage you to do your homework and speak with multiple qualified medical professionals, not just a family doctor. Ask hard questions. Understand the risks, the benefits, the alternatives, and the long-term plan. Make sure you have medical supervision and a real strategy. (Note: meds can be amazing for those that really need it. I am not speaking out against them. I am merely suggesting you need to do your own homework and speak with your family about the decision: two things I wish I did).
From my perspective, SSRI’s can provide relief and stability, but in my case, all they did was mask the symptoms without solving the underlying problems. For me, it did not address the root causes of my stress and anxiety.
I am not knocking SSRI’s and their place in your journey to mental health. They may help someone feel functional in the short term, but in my lived experience, it can also become very difficult to stop. Once my body built up the maximum level of the SSRI drug in my system, I started forgetting things, feeling lost at times, and no longer felt like my normal self. They addressed the symptoms but caused other issues for me.
So, over the years I decided I need to get off the pills. Under medical supervision, I went from the highest dosage down to the minimum, and I am still trying to wean off the meds. It has been more than a dozen years since I started taking them, and it feels almost impossible to fully discontinue. If I go a few days without medication, many of the old symptoms come back, even though today I am much less stressed and far more mindful. It’s a tough trick to balance, especially since I am at the lowest dosage possible and only taking it every other day.
I am sharing all of these details because I feel that people deserve informed consent, real support, and a full understanding of the path they are choosing.
This is personal experience, not medical advice. Everyone’s situation is different. My message is simple: do not rush. Get informed. Do your homework first and build a plan with the right professionals. And talk with your loved ones about the decision.
What Helps Me Now: Mindfulness, Movement, and Better Habits
Over time, I started building real coping mechanisms that support my nervous system instead of simply fighting symptoms. Thankfully, I have an amazing business partner (and my best friend) Chris Stock by my side. He has been amazing throughout my journey to mental wellness. That kind of support has been an absolute game changer for me to which I owe him a lifetime of gratitude. We have an amazingly successful MSP that we’ve built together, and I will be forever grateful to him.
-2016 Channel Elite Awards
Earlier this year, I started to meditate. Meditation has helped me slow down and create space between my thoughts and my reactions. (Admittedly, it took me at least 10 attempts at meditation before I got the hang of it as my brain never fully shuts off).
Physical activity has become essential. Recently, I took up pickleball, and I honestly find it to be one of the best coping mechanisms I have ever discovered. It gets me moving, it forces me to focus, and it brings community and fun into my routine. Not to mention, it forces me to disconnect by leaving my phone in my locker for 2 continuous hours every time I play.
I have also seriously cut back on alcohol. Everyone knows that I love whiskey, mostly for the flavours and complexities. And I used to think it helped take the edge off. In reality, it can keep the anxiety cycle alive. Through a popular podcast that I used to co-host, I learned so much about the craft. It almost became an obsession to learn the back story of each bottle, which helped distract me from the stresses of life. But since I’ve cut back on drinking, I feel much better, more focused, and have had less anxiety.
Overall, I am doing much better. I still have a lot of work to do, but I have real tools now. One day at a time.
Giving back in different ways
For several years many of you may recall the award-winning podcast series that I was a co-host of called IT4Whiskey. I found solace in the show as it gave me a voice to express many things that was causing me daily stress. Through IT4Whiskey, I was able to identify so many aspects of owning a MSP that would cause me stress, and how I overcame the issues. At the time, I did not realize that IT4 actually served me two purposes.
1. It allowed me to identify several aspects of being a MSP owner that caused me stress on an ongoing problem.
2. It was a way that I could give back to the channel for everything it has done for me. I know this may sound corny, and maybe it was how I was raised, but I enjoy sharing and giving back to others in order to help us all become better together. Those that know me know that I am an open book and often share too much.
I built life-long friendships through IT4Whiskey, and I am grateful for those that have followed us over the years. Although we have not recorded in quite some time, I enjoyed that journey more than you know. (It also helped me refine my appreciation for the art of distilling whisky, but that’s another story for another time).
MSP Well: Healing Through Purpose, and Learning Through Teaching
Through MSP Well, I am working toward better mental health as part of my own healing journey. It is not separate from my life. It is part of how I keep moving forward.
MSP Well exists because multiple founders came together with different motivations and a shared mission. My personal motivation has always been this:
If I can help save even one life, it is all worth it!
Miguel also recently taught me something else that I keep seeing proven in real life. We can learn through teaching.
The idea is often captured by the Latin phrase attributed to Seneca: “Homines dum docent discunt.” Which means “People learn while they teach”. Modern psychology sometimes calls this “the Protégé Effect.”
That is exactly what MSP Well has become for me. I am learning while I teach. The more I share, the more I understand. The more I understand, the better I can lead. The better I can lead, the more I can protect the people around me.
-James Mignacca, Miguel Ribeiro and me at ChannelNext Toronto, May 2026
Through MSP Well, I have been fortunate to have James Mignacca beside me as a true brother. James has played a significant role in my personal journey, often simply by being there and showing up consistently. Our daily conversations about life, perspective, and learning what to let-go of have been deeply grounding for me. James has helped me see things more clearly and move forward with a level of calm and understanding I did not have before.
My Daughters, My Mirror, and My Motivation
I am a proud father of three incredible daughters: Lucia, Giulianna, and Gracie.
They inspire me to become a better person all the time. They keep me grounded. They have taught me more about life than any business achievement ever could.
I also want to say this with empathy for myself and honesty for other parents.
When you are building a high-stress career, especially in a world where everything needs to be “always on,” it is easy for tension to follow you home. I always wanted to be a great father. I always wanted to protect my girls and do the right thing. But sometimes, when I was under pressure and did not understand what I was experiencing internally, my efforts did not come out the way I intended. And I made mistakes that I now reflect upon and know that if I had the tools I have today, I would have done things differently. Like all parents, I am not a perfect father, but I have always and will always show up for my girls.
Kids are mirrors. They reflect our energy back to us, and sometimes they show us patterns we cannot see in ourselves.
Over time, my daughters helped me recognize that I had an internal pattern of frustration and high-stress reactivity that needed better management. They were not “the problem.” They were the signal. They helped me see what I could not see.
Through therapy and self-awareness, I have learned to process stress in disciplined, healthier ways. I have worked hard to replace tense reactions with calmer responses (at least I try my best to stay calm, but my Italian blood sometimes elevates my voice naturally). I also strive to bring more patience into my home.
I am proud of all three of my daughters. I support them in life even when I do not agree with a decision they making, because that is what love looks like in practice. They do not define me in a dramatic sense, but they absolutely shape who I am, and I am grateful for that and for the positive impact they have had on my life. If I could go back, I would change many things in my life, but you three are the only genuine perfection I have ever achieved.
If This Feels Familiar
If any part of this story resonates, the symptoms, the fear, the confusion, the isolation, I want you to hear this clearly:
- You are not weak.
- You are not alone.
- And you deserve support that goes beyond “your tests are normal.”
Talk to qualified professionals. Talk with your loved ones. Ask questions. Advocate for yourself. And if you are an MSP leader, remember that our industry is full of high performers suffering quietly behind the scenes.
That is why we built MSP Well, and why I am telling you my story.
About the Author
Joe Ussia is the co-founder and the CEO of Infinite IT, an award-winning MSP, ISP, and MIP with GRC services now in its 26th year of business. Infinite IT supports organizations that “always need to be on,” environments where downtime is not an option and accountability is constant, which can translate into intense pressure for the teams and leaders responsible for outcomes. As one of Canada’s Top 50 Managed IT Providers, and top 100 on several globally ranked lists in the MSP space, he is proud to lead a global team of passionate professionals that always go above and beyond for our customers.
Joe became a committed advocate for mental health awareness and practical wellness strategies in the IT Channel to share his journey to help others in their mental wellness journey. He is the co-founder of MSP Well, a not-for-profit dedicated to helping MSP leaders and their teams build healthier, more sustainable lives and businesses through community, education, and real conversations. He also co-founded and co-hosted of the award-winning podcast series IT4Whiskey (IT4.TV), which is about the secrets on how to build your IT business.
Joe is a proud father of three daughters, Lucia, Giulianna, and Gracie, who continue to influence how he leads, how he grows, and how he defines success.
Learn more about Infinite IT: https://8it.io
Tune in to IT4Whiskey on your favorite podcast platform or online at https://it4.tv
Connect with Joe: View Joe Ussia on LinkedIn